The Price of Remembering
by Gayle Cato
Summary: You always were fond of spring, but you were fond of Sirius too...    Written for the Four Seasons Competition.


Author's Note: This was written for the Four Seasons Competition from Rosalie'sRevenge

Spring- Nymphadora Tonks / Sirius Black

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, etc.

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Note: Edited to correct issues with past and present tense.

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**The Price of Remembering**

You always were fond of spring.

"Mummy" you would cry "when will spring come? Why does she stay away?" Your daddy wasn't so fond.

"Nymphadora" he would say: "why do you wait for spring? Wet and muddy, and still so cold, summer is much nicer. Why spring?" You made a face to hear him say your name, even back then it made you cringe.

"Can't I have a different name?"

"You mean instead of Nymphadora?" Voice emanating with a sort of mocking horror he replies. "What's not to like about Nymphadora_"_ and the both of you would share a secret smile for you're your mother…

"There's nothing wrong with a long name." she always insisted "Nymphadora is quite distinguished"

...

Sometimes when you couldn't sleep at night you would stand at the window and there in the glassy surface of your reflection you would try to find the face of spring. Soft curls bright as chrysanthemum, or grassy eyes, and a small nose with freckles, over and over, again and again, to no avail. Spring you finally decided doesn't have a face, and suddenly you realized that was something the two of you had in common. Always changing, never the same and it made you happy, to understand this. You liked the idea that in this way you and spring were one and the same and you fell asleep that night certain that if spring was a person she would be a friend as well and you are sure that spring would understand what your other friends never could. She would know what it truly meant to be a Metamorphmagus

...

As you grew you would try to put away many of you childish fancies, but you couldn't put away spring, perhaps it would be more accurate to say you didn't want to try. You always were a smiling sort of person, and you took delight in the disbelieving glances often cast your way by your more pessimistic acquaintances. Sirius Black was not a smiling person, but even though it was hard to imagine you knew that he used to be. He was your mother's cousin after all and some times she would tell you stories, of water bombs in the great hall (you know the prank is good when peeves decides he's going to take a leaf out of your book), and midnight trips down to the village, for Butterbeer and for Firewhisky. These things seemed to be an indication that his hollow disposition wasn't permanent, and the old photographs you'd seen gave you hope.

You were going to remind Sirius how to smile, you knew that you could. He laughed at you when you told him this, a sorry sort of laugh, bitter, and altogether not really like laughter at all. It was clear he thought yours was a rather foolish endeavor, but his doubts were never enough, they didn't have the strength to stand in the face of your certainty.

"If anyone can do it will be me" you told him and you like to think that he believed you, if only just a little. Sirius was more than just a cousin, he's your second cousin really, but that made him feel old, and so you made a promise never to call him that, just as long as he never ever called you Nymphadora, grinning wryly, he agreed. Grinning, but never a smile. There was more than blood to hold the two of you together. Sirius was Animagus as well as a wizard. Though he never would be your spring, there was something to be said for those who can change there form. You could never be certain if that idea was true, but you like to believe that it was. Maybe you're just trying to make up for lost time, in the end the reason doesn't seem all that important. Sirius wasn't your first "project", but he always insisted he would be your worst. You weren't so sure about that, it wasn't that he didn't know how to smile, you just needed to help him remember. It's was a game the two of you were playing, but you had played this game before, and you'd never lost yet.

...

Later Remus would tell you that Sirius was smiling; he probably thought it would help. Two days ago you would have thought so too, but two days ago Sirius was here and now he's gone. Sirius was smiling they say, but you don't feel like you've won at all. You feel like you've lost something. You've lost him, and it's too late to go back, it's no good telling yourself you were young, and that you thought you would have all the time in the world. It hasn't even been a year since you told your parents you were going to meet your cousin. Now your wondering what you're going to miss out on. Did he really remember how to smile? You didn't see him in those last moments, but you like to think so. He liked too blame himself for everything, you had wanted to believe that given time he would realize it was okay to stop regretting the past, but time was never a gift given to Sirius. You didn't get your answer; you can spend the rest of your life wondering, but it won't do you any good.

...

You turn to the window searching for spring, but theirs no reflection this time, and of course Padfoot isn't playing in the garden today. There is only the mud and the mist and you think that perhaps Sirius was onto something. You always were fond of spring, but you were fond of Sirius too.

Now he's gone, but he forgot to return your conviction before he left, and you've begun to wonder if spring is truly worth the price of remembering.


End file.
